Most interesting story in The Age re increased incidence of urinary incontinence in female athletes – see http://www.theage.com.au/executive-style/-gzjy2m.html . Apparently young females think that pelvic floor muscles are something yucky and for old folk. (Maybe we need a PFM Week?) More worrying is that a great proportion of those surveyed do not seek treatment for urinary leakage. This is not baby boomer males we’re talking about here, but 15 – 19 year old females.

Yay! Just managed to pair up the new Bluetooth keyboard with the tablet. Took a few goes, and of course the instructions didn’t match what I was seeing on the screen. But I can see what I am typing as I go. Feel of the keys is quite good. Even has home and end functions! Not bad at all for $15. I am sitting in the living room with the keyboard and the tablet on a tray (the one I have my dinner off). Der Fisch is still out having a massage, coffee with a friend, fringe trim and food shopping. I’m putting her to work! She said something to the effect that I would probably be back on kitchen duties next week. Still, she is holding the fort in great style.

Just had a sleep for about half an hour before having some cheese, biscuits and celery for lunch. (Ah – one of the keys just repeated! I can see one has to stab them fairly decisively. Still, it is a hell of a lot better than the handwriting recognition.) According to the Fitbit I got 3 hours 29 minutes of sleep last night, with an average of 3 hours 41 minutes for the week. So obviously not great, but not all that unusual. I still have to wait another fortnight before resuming exercise; this is probably one of the reasons for the bad sleep. When it is not stinking hot, and I have some more confidence in the urinary continence, I will go for a walk and so on.

I had a brief chat to a friend this morning whose husband has also had a prostatectomy (apparently most of the males in their circle have too). She said (and I am paraphrasing) that Jeremy Grummet was a top man in urology, something of which I was not aware. I did know that he is an associate professor at Monash, and, possibly jointly, developed a new and improved prostate biopsy method. When I read about that I thought ‘I’ll probably have to have one of those’, which turned out to be correct, and I certainly had no infection or complication from that procedure.

Choosing a medical specialist is obviously not something for which one can rely on a Choice test! I chose Jeremy because I wanted a clinician who also had an academic role to do whatever I had to have done. I have an idea that such people are possibly more obliged to keep current with new procedures and methods. The proof of the pudding will obviously be in the eating, but so far, so good. He has always been pleasant to deal with, and is a clear and succinct communicator. I am to see him on the 28th of this month for a follow-up appointment.

Der Fisch has swum out for a couple of hours, leaving me up to my own devices. (I convinced her to let me buy her something nice; we will go and have a look when the weather is less hot.) So I am catching up with things I let go while I was in hospital, like an eye test, and exciting stuff like that.

The peeing is getting better; I am still going through pads like anything (ordered some more online yesterday). I find that a double pad does the job well, the inner one getting quite soaked on occasion, the outer one not looking affected at all. In time I expect I can taper down on the protection. Thank goodness it is past the hay fever season; I haven’t had a sneeze yet; try and remember to think “Activate” beforehand! Getting up is really the problem. I can activate the PFMs, but when I stand up and release them, gravity takes over. Re-establishing control takes time, and apparently is quite an individual thing.

My dearest got me a couple of pairs of XXL cargo pants from Target yesterday. These are just the thing, being big enough to accommodate my still quite swollen middle. The prices varied between $25 and $10 (on sale), so I’m not going to worry what happens to them! At present I am wearing a pair of shorts that is usually a bit too big for me, but are perfect at present. First independent shower this morning was exciting (well, kind of). When my tablet charges up I will try out my new Bluetooth keyboard. I ordered this, also online (a boon to the housebound), to assist with editing the blog on the tablet. I could try it out with the phone, but it doesn’t say that it can pair with more than one device. It probably can, but I would rather pair it with the tablet first, then experiment.

It’s out, thank goodness!  A bit more hairy than the practice nurse led me to believe.  But not too bad. I had a slight misadventure on the way home.  (Warning: this might be a bit TMI.) The practice nurse fitted me with a small pad after taking out the catheter. I was fine to get in the car and out again, but as soon as I released the PFMS,  I felt a trickle. Fortunately I had taken a spare, big pad and some other stuff. So I went to the men’s loo in the shopping centre, changed pads, and put the rest of the stuff (alcohol wipes, Q-tips, and Novocaine ointment) in my pocket. Back at the car I then forgot that I had done this last step,  and beetled back into the men’s, to find no stuff there. Then I felt them in my pocket. (I’ll blame the Endone.) Anyway, I see the urologist on 28th to get the feedback about the operation. Meanwhile,  I am blessedly free of the sensitivity,  which was becoming really quite problematic, despite various measures. Bending down, no problem. I can take off my own shoes! I’l be telling the time next.

I have been reading up on slang for the dangly bits (all in the interests of my readership, and science). I found an online version of Eric Partridge’s Concise new dictionary of slang and unconventional  English, a PDF of about 740 pages! A search for “penis” found 742 hits. Some will be false hits in that they are picking up entries in which the word merely occurs, for example in the definition. But it is obviously an impressive list. I noted down the ones beginning with the letters A or B (there were 62), and selected those I thought  the most amusing, as follows:

• almond rock (rhyming slang)
• bacon assegai
• arrow of desire
• bald-headed mouse
• baloney pony
• bed flute
• beef torpedo
• bishop
• Black and Decker (rhyming slang)
• Blackpool Rock (ditto)
• Bobby dangler
• Boris Becker (rhyming  slang)
• brain (I think Partridge calls this “ironic”)
• breakfast burrito
• bush blaster
• Canadian bacon
• captain’s log (rhyming slang – not sure what for)
• cavalier.

So there we go! No shortage of colorful terms with which to refer to your boerie (a South African term apparently, derived from boerewors, a well-known type of sausage in that part of the world).

Subsequent posts will resume the usual less racy tone.

Had a friend and former colleague around for coffee. It was great to see him and hear all about the good ship RMIT 💀. So important to keep up contacts. I have not been very assiduous in doing so, but intend to improve! A special hello to any former colleague reading this. Nil carborundum illegitimi.

I got my lovely Raymond Weil automatic back from being fixed. I got this from RMIT (and Der Fisch) on attaining 25 years in my sentence career there. Sentimental value only now – I have knocked it around over the years – but beautifully legible.

Anyone have a vote for their favourite euphemism for the male organ of generation? I have three candidates thus far. I have used the first two in email correspondence, and my brother helpfully reminded me of the third. The list to date

1. dangly bits
2. the old fella
3. todger.

Any and all other suggestions gratefully received. Please comment and share! I wonder if there is a list, or book, somewhere that rounds up all the permutations. I reckon that the pyjama python (in Barry Humphries’ alliterative phrase) must attract more slang terms than any other organ. Again, if anyone knows of such a list, I would be interested in your suggestions.

Anyway, whatever you would like me to call it, I am having some sensitivity at the top of the catheter. This is being controlled fairly well with a couple of ointments – Otic, usually used for ear ailments, and a Novocaine-based one – and a cold bag. Looking forward to Monday, when the catheter comes out, thank goodness.

We got the paving in the courtyard sealed the other day. As suggested, I threw a glass of water on it, and it is fascinating to watch the water bead up – just like on a newly waxed car. I am watching Jill water out there right now. There is an automatic system, but the designer said to give the beds supplementary watering on hot days, while things are still establishing themselves. Maybe we can have a drink out there when she has finished.

Some of the meds have an unexpected side effect or two. This I suspect is mainly the Endone. I was telling der Fisch about Sam Dastyari, and got very emotional and teary about it. (Not that I have any brief for Sam Dastyari; but this aggressive racial abuse is just dreadful.) l think it was possibly the Endone that was making me a bit labile emotionally. (I looked up the side effects just now and it isn’t listed among them, so maybe I should just attribute it to fatigue.)

Otherwise things not going too badly. The ointments are having the effect that they are meant to have,so I am feeling much less discomfort  when I sit or stand..

The warmer weather has enabled me to get out of the track pants I have been wearing since I came home, into some lighter weight ones. Feels good also to put on a shirt I don’t wear very often. A very sweet get well card from one of my nephews and his partner addressed to “Uncle Guy” was very touching.  I am finding it easier to bend over and get up from a chair, so some abdominal strength possibly returning. Small things like this are good for morale. I also did some emailing, declining a regular meeting that I just didn’t feel up to, and trying to make a time for a visit from a friend. I will have to rename myself the Lothario of the laptop!

I saw my GP this morning and got a couple of suggestions to relieve some sensitivity at the top of the catheter tube. (Happy to post the drug names if anyone is interested; just being a bit lazy to get up and fetch them!) I have applied them both and taken another Endone (got some more of those as well). If they fix this problem, I will be more comfortable when sitting, getting up, etc. So far so good. The good doctor also suggested that, if I experienced itchiness as the wound healed, to take some antihistamines, as available in Zyrtec, etc.

Currently sitting in the study listening to Rach 3 (the symphony, not the concerto) on my nice old tube stereo, from 3MBS-FM digital. Der Fisch is out at yoga. All good. We looked at some nice jewellery this morning after seeing the GP. She has looked after me so well I feel she deserves a little something; not thanks, just appreciation. Things to do:

• contact prostate surgery support group
• have a beard trim
• install recording software on my laptop and 
• record an old vinyl set (Charpentier, Lecons de Tenebrae). I also want to 
• track down a work that I heard on ABC Classic FM, a suite based on Wagner’s Meistersingern von Nürnberg, arranged by Mark Wigglesworth (the conductor of the SSO on this occasion). I hope this concert is available on Listen Again. Actually, I just looked on their web site, and if it is there, it’s beyond my powers to find it! (I have given up on sending emails to find out whether something is available on Listen Again, or when the truly atrocious web site is going to be fixed.) I think the ABC has a burying department instead of a marketing department.

I have changed the appearance of the blog by using a different theme. Seem to be finding it hard to get away from the library look! The font is different too. You may notice a new page listed in the Sidebar too, References and links.

So what does a day look like when recovering from prostate surgery? I omit things like emptying leg bag in the following.

2.00 am wake up, fetch whisky, have BM (aka number two)
2.30 The previous step having been rather protracted, fall asleep for another hour. Wake up, have drink (first since operation). Delicious! Johnny Walker Green. Read Forest dark, by Nicole Krauss; unfortunately rather stimulating.
Get up perhaps an hour later, disconnect and empty night bag. Put on PJs and bring cup of tea back to bed. (Der Fisch still asleep.) Read & fall asleep myself an hour or so.
7.00 Get up, empty leg bag . More tea, Der Fisch’s coffee (important step this one!). We sit in the study and have that.
Breakfast: rye toast, orange marmalade, more tea.  Got to keep up those fluids!
Shower. Have to change leg bag straps. (There are two sets of straps, three in each. One set gets wet when one has a shower; change to dry set from yesterday. Hang wet straps up to dry.)
Wash out night bag and hang in main bathroom. Buy a Bluetooth keyboard and car mobile phone holder online. Get call back from nurse at urologist’s clinic; very helpful.
10.30 We set out, with alcohol wipes and a spare pad, to Camberwell Junction. On the list: more undies for Guy from Target (classy!), pick up library book, dry cleaning ditto, have coffee, buy toast loaf and salad for lunch. Go to jeweller’s to pick up watch that is being repaired. Find that I have misremembered message and watch not ready for collection. Explain that I had had surgery that day and doubtless was still full of anaesthetic.
12.30? Not hungry after large date scone (very nice, though!) My book has arrived; Gödel, Escher, Bach, by Richard Hofstadter. Have another Endone (bit of pain – discomfort where the catheter tube enters). We watch first two parts of Sunshine, recorded from SBS; excellent! Lie down for an hour (this is good for the wound).
Get up; feeling only moderate (discomfort around top of tube). Read some more of the Nicole Krauss. Jill cleans out garage; l do a blog entry, and show her how to switch on watering system along driveway. Have had Endone; great!
7.00 Lentil soup for dinner and a pear. Appetite a bit problematic with pain and Endone (synthetic opiate).
Watch Crimson Tide, quite a decent submarine flick. Gene Hackman, Denzel Washington.
10.00 Bed; hook up night bag, clean teeth, have meds, read a bit more. (NB the night bag thing is much easier with a nightgown; fortunately I had one in the bottom drawer, never used.) Lights out about eleven.

Apart from insomnia, Endone and night bag, fairly normal Saturday or Sunday!