At our last consult with Dr P, there was an unwelcome turnaround: the PSA had gone up to 12 (from the previous score of 9.7). This was a bit disappointing in that we had hoped to continue the previous slight downward trend. Putting it in context, however, as Dr P is always doing, he said the cancer is grumbling along, but the medications are doing their job and keeping the rises small. I had had the CT scans only a month ago, and the results of those had been good. He actually apologised for being a touch paranoid in having me do the scans every 3 months. I said he could be as paranoid as he liked. He said I looked great and he was sure I was enjoying a good quality of life. I’ll take his word for the former, but the latter is certainly true; I am feeling fine and being very well looked after.
Straight after the consult I went to the day oncology ward and had the Zolodex implant. This was uneventful except for a small bleed from the implant site in the abdomen. (I think I caused this by bending over to pick up the cover from something on the tray of sandwiches I had been brought by a volunteer.) Anyway, no matter: I have had this before. The nurse just put a new and bigger dressing on it, from which there have been no further bleeds.
The day after I felt vaguely unwell — nothing specific — we both always have a bit of measurement anxiety before each consult. It was a rotten day, with steady rain, so I cancelled exercise class and had a day at home, spent largely on the couch, apart from attending to a loaf of bread. The latter was successful, and the day proved very therapeutic.
We have a break from the rain today (although showers are forecast), and tomorrow is Cup Day. Because of this my Tuesday exercise class will be cancelled. So I don’t miss out on two classes in a row, my beloved has made a one-off appointment with an exercise physiologist for us both; exercise is a vital part of our maintaining ourselves in a well space. I am pushing ahead also with Proust, as per the following quote:
“We do not receive wisdom, we must discover it for ourselves, after a journey through the wilderness that no one else can take for us, that no one can spare us, for our wisdom is the point of view from which we come at last to regard the world.”Marcel Proust, In the shadow of young girls in flower (In Search of Lost Time, vol. 2), p. 482. Translated by C K Scott Moncrieff, edited and annotated by William C Carter. Yale UP, 2015.